I had a dream. It has been making me think a lot. I don't know what it means. Here it is:

I was  going to school early and in my car, but my college was less than a block away from the neighborhood I grew up in and it was on a different campus then my own. I got there and saw old high school guy friends. One of my ex boyfriends stopped by my car and got in and he said that we needed to have a magical dinner with his girlfriend so I can meet her and then we could be friends again. I said that I forgot to shower and I needed to run home and do that and that he should waite in the car until I get back. I ran home and showered and then ran back all fresh and clean. We were about to start talking again and then I had to go to class. I wanted to talk to him about more than just the dinner. I wanted to talk about my present situation, but then in my dream, remembered that in my last dream, he didn't want to hear anymore about that stuff. I then went to class and felt uncomfortable about how everything was left and that I still needed to talk about what was going on with someone.

I currently want to talk with someone. I tried to talk with Troy, but he is not helping me bounce ideas to figure out what truely is going on.

I'm tired and I have a quiz tomorrow in one of my classes and I still need to study. I guess I will get up early.

I wish this semester was over. I already know that I won't be too excited about next semester or the two after that. I wish I could take all my favorite classes at once. I wish I had they were all offered in the same semester and worked out that I would be able to have a semester full of enjoyment.

The following are my favorite classes I've taken in college thus far (in order from past to present): World Music, Psychology, Band, Men and Masculinities, Nonverbal Communications, Business Management, and Staffing in Organizations.

All I have left are 14 classes or 42 hours. Divide 14 classes by 3 semesters is 4.6 classes a semester. It sounds so easy. It seems hard. I am working 27 hours or more a  week, taking 14 hours of 300 and 600 level classes, and extra curriculars are about 5 more hours on top of that. That does not include studying beyond class. I also have a hard time operating without 8 hours of sleep a night.

Complain. Complain. I did it to myself.

I'm feeling overwhelmed. Senioritis has hit and I'm not even a senior yet. This must be what I go through. About this time in high school, was when I was feeling completely overwhelmed and was ready to quit. That made the rest of the years go not well. Looky there. Life has come to the start of the circle again. I'm kind of suprised that I have come to this point again. I guess this is my level. I can go three years at a time... and that is barely. I don't even want to say how bad this semester is going school wise. I'm supposed to have this kind of semester when I'm a Freshmen, not a Junior. I'm feeling so much pressure to do well and I don't feel motivated at all. Two of the classes are interesting, and out of those two, I'm doing the worst in one of them out of all my classes. I looked at majoring in management again. I don't know if I want to add the second major on still. Based off the way I am feeling right now, I just don't know if it's something I should do. I know it will only be beneficial for the rest of my life...which is hard to put into perspective... but I'm really not feeling it right now. It would be really nice to be done after I finish my HRM major. I could be done as soon as this next summer and that is only rediculously scary, because at that point, I will need to find a job in the professional world, start paying for my own insurance, pay off my student loans, and start paying for everything. At that point, I won't have as many opportunities to make new friends, party options might be more limited to certain crowds, I won't have anything really marking the change of the year besides the weather and holiday celebrations. I will have the chance to start accomplishing life goals. I will be able to do what I want when I finish the day of work. I will be able to do what I really want to do with the limitations of finance. I will finally get to have a consistent routine. I do like consistentcy. I do like planning. I do like knowing what is ahead. I am a dreamer. I am never completely happy in my current situation. I am always looking forward to the future. I dream. I go throgh the motion of what will get me to my dreams. I wonder if I will ever be completely happy and satisfied at my current state.

What am I meant to do on this earth? What am I meant to accomplish? What is the purpose of my physical body? What is my position and how long will I have it? When will my sould be fulfilled?

I hate when I sleep and it doesn't seem to be effective because the dream I am having is to active to actually be rest or when I am making lists of things to get done and then having an important conversation in a dream and wake up.

I want to be on here longer, mostly because I don't want to feel the unsatisfaction of doing homework.

I think I will be better off being done with school.

School has officially started. Woo.

• I'm working 20 hours a week with NetWork Kansas and 7 hours a week with Youthville
• I'm taking Business Law (BLAW440), Finance 340, Employ Relations (HRM 664), and Staffing Organizations (HRM 666)
• HRM 664 and 666 are both Senior Level classes, so everyone is graduating this semester or the next
• I have 8 chapters of reading to do so far and I already know when my first 3 papers will be due
• AKPsi RUSH is in 2 weeks
• TBSigma is in 3 weeks
• Band starts Friday - that will be refreshing!
• Troy gave me an ipod touch that he got for free with his purchase with a new mac because he already has 2 other ipods
• I like being anti-social and listening to the ipod when I walk to class

I had a dream last night that I was in a building with my family and their was a tornado that was coming so we went into the tornado shelter. My sister and dad just were chit chatting like nothing was happening and my mom didn't seem to concerned either. I went around the building looking for survival supplies to put in the shelter and came back with a bunch of stuff. I shut the door and watched my sister and dad not care. My mom could see my concern but she was working on what appeared to be work. The huge tornado started and sounded like it was right over us. Rachel and dad noticed the sounds but then went back to their conversation. I sat next to my mom and she seemed a little concerned of the tornado and tried to get my sister and my dad's attention but they said it wasn't a big deal. My mom and I looked nervous at each other and I tried not to show how worried I really was.

Suddenly my dream switched over to the aftermath and my mom, sister, and dad disappeared somewhere and I was in what used to be a room in the building. The room no longer had a roof and it was wet from some rain that went through and pipes were broken and gushing water. There were a lot of people in the room sitting on couches with debree(sp?) all over them and I was standing on the outskirts just looking around. They appeared to be business people and random trashy families mixed together. It seemed weird. I was no longer concerned of my family.

The dream switched over once again and I was at a very crowded Wal-Mart with someone looking for the bathrooms and kept running into guys from middle school that I had forgotten about. They were all busy talking to their friends and some seemed to be reuniting with each other and talking about middle school days. They looked at me and recognized me and I recognized them and looked at them but they didn't say anything to me and I didn't say anything to them.